Journal

This week I started my new job.

I have a day job, of course. I work in medical billing for a company that I believe in and care about deeply and for people who I am lucky to consider my personal friends. I have a really good job, but my heart has always been in writing.

So imagine my absolute delight when I received an email regarding a writing job I had applied for months ago.

The position was right in my wheelhouse, writing about tabletop RPGs, not far from my house, and they were looking for somebody to fill a part time role. It was perfect for me. I put together a writing sample and with a few minor revision sweeps and a ton of encouragement from my husband and one of my closest friends I threw my name in the ring. And since I only had one recent professional writing sample I wrote up a very tailored cover letter and attached a link to my A03.

You know.

Where my fanfiction lives.

I figured, I’m applying for a nerdy writing job with nerds. Maybe my many thousands of nerdy words will resonate with them.

And then I honestly sort of forgot that I had applied.

I was unemployed for a large portion of my early to mid twenties. I think of us were/are. It’s hard to break into a field whose entry level position requires 3-5 years of experience and even long term temp assignments don’t pique the interest of every person to peruse a pile of resumes. When you spend a long time applying for jobs and hearing back about fifteen to twenty percent of them, you learn to not get your heart too set on any one position. You apply, you move on, you repeat.

So I applied, I was excited for a few days, and then real life covered everything like a blanket again. I have a full time job. I was working on finishing my book. I played D&D and practiced my ukulele and went to the gym and had family visit for the first time since we moved down here a year ago.

And then an email popped up in my inbox asking if I’d be interested in talking about the position.

So I’m very excited to announce that this week I started my new part time position as an RPG writer for Bell of Lost Souls. Wish me luck.

Also, I got myself a present to celebrate.

Right now it’s full of Gemini City cards. Writing business cards in the future? Maybe!

Almost everyone can agree, 2019 was the sort of year that felt five or six years long. We know the math doesn’t add up. We ran the numbers and it was your standard 365 day long year, but every week felt like an eternity. So much happened. The news cycle has been nonstop. At some point the world caught fire and I’m pretty sure it never went out.

So it’s weird that looking back on the last year for me also feels like remembering a single blink, a million little things crammed into one moment that’s already gone. I made friends in the last year, lost friends, I finished draft one of a novel, took some time to look back at a NaNoWriMo project from 2012 (and oh boy is it badly in need of reworking from the ground up), wrote a bunch of fanfiction (one of them was even a commission!) and landed a sweet part-time writing dream job. My husband and I packed up and moved half way across the country, started an AP podcast, and paid off my student loans this year.

This year has been full.

And it’s been a year where I spent a not insignificant amount of time reflecting on who I am and why I do certain things.

Millennial humor is dark. We’ve decided that gallows humor is the most appropriate way to deal with… everything going on in the world. I’m mean to myself (jokingly) constantly. I say things to or about myself that I would never let anybody else say to or about me (not even jokingly). And it gets to me. Slowly. It’s funny or lighthearted at the time, but those nasty little gibes build up like a tower until my own poorly balanced brain chemistry decides it’s time to knock the entire thing down on me.

So it’s time to leave that habit behind.

I’ve started in little ways, replacing go-tos in my vernacular. “I bought this because I’m garbage,” turns into “I bought this because I’m awesome and I deserve it.” “I wrote this thing but I hate it,” is now “I worked hard on this but I know it’s not there yet, can you give me some notes?”

Hell, I’ll even continue hyperbolizing, but it’s going to be done with kindness!* I’m not the worst, I’m a gift to the world. I’m not stupid, I’m a misunderstood genius in my time.

I’m leaving the entire concept of being mean to myself in 2019 where it belongs.

2020 is the year of self confidence.

After all, I’ll need it to get past the first editing sweep of what is definitely the best thing ever written.*

Happy New Year! Be kind. Putting yourself down is so 2019.

Meaghan Colleran

Writing, Tabletop Gaming, Podcasting

First Day of Work

What I’m Taking Into 2020 and, More Importantly, What I’ll Be Leaving In 2019